somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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