You were right. It hurts to walk today.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
