YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
