some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
everyone is single if you try hard enough
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
