feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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