I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
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