what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
