i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
