I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
