my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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