please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
