ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
