Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
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