Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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