I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
