ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Michael Bay diarrhea
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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