Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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