Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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