First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
