had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
