my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
