textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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