1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
soo... how was my night?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
