so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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