My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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