He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
