I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
