used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
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theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
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He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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