so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
