Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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