i permit you to call me
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize