Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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