some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
