Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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