so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
