Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
