just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
