i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
