i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
