You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
