You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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