I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
