All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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