her vagine was all disorganized.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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