Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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