You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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