Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
