my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
honey bunches of taint.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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