I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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