two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
