Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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