i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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