tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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