Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You need Xanax blowdarts
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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