Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
