im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
