The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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