he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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