forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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