how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
