Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
