shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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