The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
