Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
