Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
