I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
