At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
