morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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