Texts From Last Night

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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  1:48 am: your uglier

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  (901) 1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man (423) 1:48 am: your uglier http://tfl.nu/ln5v
  Replies (6) Good night (1323) Bad night (1823)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers

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  (702): i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers http://tfl.nu/2g28
  Replies (3) Good night (2675) Bad night (515)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate

  (415): View more from California

  i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube

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  (702): chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate (415): i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube http://tfl.nu/nhs2
  Replies (8) Good night (2434) Bad night (690)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.

  (818): View more from California

  Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.

  (818): View more from California

  And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.

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  (818): Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week. (818): Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks. (818): And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it. http://tfl.nu/ncbc
  Replies (14) Good night (3479) Bad night (663)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.

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  (651): All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow. http://tfl.nu/8b4m
  Replies (13) Good night (8848) Bad night (1348)
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  (607): View more from New York

  she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.

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  (607): she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet. http://tfl.nu/uotm
  Replies (36) Good night (1636) Bad night (8536)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?

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  (716): Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed? http://tfl.nu/24fj
  Replies (28) Good night (6569) Bad night (1461)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?

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  (860): what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday? http://tfl.nu/71tj
  Replies (32) Good night (4845) Bad night (1036)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.

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  (803): I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by. http://tfl.nu/6l9f
  Replies (4) Good night (2314) Bad night (660)
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.

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  (559): We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child. http://tfl.nu/mund
  Replies (4) Good night (2131) Bad night (786)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.

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  (720): Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description. http://tfl.nu/i5hv
  Replies (3) Good night (2314) Bad night (595)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.

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  (615): How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long. http://tfl.nu/h6mm
  Replies (16) Good night (1261) Bad night (475)
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.

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  (347): THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI. http://tfl.nu/yt9w
  Replies (5) Good night (577) Bad night (559)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.

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  (214): I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet. http://tfl.nu/p5x6
  Replies (4) Good night (745) Bad night (311)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.

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  (905): I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time. http://tfl.nu/krp5
  Replies (1) Good night (604) Bad night (495)

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