I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous