I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
