Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
