Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
