can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
