I never want to see another naked old woman again.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
