Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
