I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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