there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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