I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
