I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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