tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Blood and glitter go together right?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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