Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
