I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
