Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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