Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
last night I used snow as a chaser
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
