It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
dude i'm inner monologue high
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
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