well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize